Why oh Why

Last night I went to bed happy, thinking I can sleep until 7 or 7:15 am. Today Saturday, at 5:30 am our small dog wants out, my 3.5 yr old wakes up with a belly ache, and my 7 yr old son is wide awake at 6 am. Now on school days I have to wake him by 6:20 am, and I literally have to drag him out of bed, today Saturday he is wide awake and ready for soccer.  So much for my sleeping in.

Why is that? Is it that kids sense, hey mom wants to sleep in, let’s wake up ready for the day at 6 am.

Am I the only one that this happens to?

Ready for the day.

Stay at home momma



When we are  in relationships we tend to lose who we are, what we believe in, what we like and dislike. Its like we become a person that we no longer recognize! Why is that?  Why do we allow this to happen?

I have been married twice, in my first marriage I was 20 when we said I do.  7 years later, I was in turmoil within myself.  Who was I, how did I get here, why would I let myself get lost.  Now in my 2nd marriage, I went in with my fist up, I told him I will not lose myself. I will always keep what is important to me and prioritize accordingly. 8yrs later, still married, and I am lost again. How did I let this happen a second time? What is wrong with me? How could I let this happen again?

Looking back, sometimes we change who we are to please others, to prevent fights or confrontations, sometimes we change just because we are older and wiser.  Now that I have realized that, I am on the hunt to find ME.  What does that even mean, ME.  I once prioritized getting a college degree.  Four kids later, that priority was changed into making a living for them, then when I was able to stay at home, it was how do I become a better parent for them and how do we make ends meet on a single salary.  I should have made time for school, I should have pushed him more to help while I study, I should have have spoken up.  But the reality of it was that I didn’t.  My youngest is 3.5 now, so I ask myself when she goes to school what do I have?  Now do not get me wrong, I am grateful that i have been able to be at home with my kids, it is by far my greatest accomplishment. I am grateful for my house, my car, the food we have, the clothes we wear, I am grateful that i am able to make lotions and soaps, I am grateful that I was there for all their first, for all their booboos, I am the person they go to when they need anything.  But when they stop needing MOM, what am I, what do I have?

We are in a situation where we need for extra income.  I have been looking for jobs.  The majority of the jobs require a degree, which I do not have. I started working at 15 yrs of age,  I was in retail management for 11yrs.  You would think that my work experience would be taken into consideration, well no, no it is not.  I have applied to many different types of jobs, and I have yet to receive a call back.

I know that my faith is being tested, so I always try to stay positive, and try to follow the road that I on, hoping that I am just blinded by my circumstances and am not able to see the big picture.  But when the I see the balance in the account and see it getting lower and lower, its hard to stay focused, its hard to not question why me why now why.  Or I am actively looking for a job, why am I not able to find something, why?  I know its not my job to ask does questions, but its hard.




Stay at Home Momma



Kids With Anxiety

I know that there are others with kids that have some sort of anxiety, some may be more severe than others.  My son has anxiety!  Not everyone understands it or him, or why he reacts to certain situations the way he does.  Now his anxiety is not severe enough that he has to take medication for it, but it some situations it is apparent.  For instance, this past week when I was picking him up, I get down and wait for him, I saw it in his face that something was wrong.  Before I could even ask what was wrong, his hands are on his head and tears are starting to roll down his cheeks.  I kneel over and ask are you okay?  He nods, but then he tells me he forgot his lunch box. He knows thing should not bother him, sometimes people tell him he is over reacting, that maybe so but to him somethings are just that important to him. I tell him its okay you where going to buy lunch tomorrow anyways.  I know in my head that is not going to make him feel better.  SO I tell him go back inside and see if anyone can open the classroom for you.  He tells me he has to go to the front office.  We go, we wait in the line, then when I tell the person what we need she rolls her eyes and gives me the “Are you serious lady” look,  in my head I am YES I AM FOR REAL!!!! The phone rings, she mumbles something and points with her finger, not sure where.  So we go back outside, and I find the head office person.  I explained to her what happened, and before she could tell me to go to the office, I told her we did and that the lady in the office was very busy and dismissed us. She sees my sons face, tells us wait a minute, then comes back and takes him to get it.

If people only understood how something so minute can bother a person with anxiety, they would not be so mean and rude.  My older daughter on the other hand forgets things all the time and it does not bother her one bit.  If I would have left without that lunch box, it would have bothered him inside until the next day. Why would I want that for him, when it could be prevented.  Now there have been times when he has lost something or couldn’t find something and we have had to cope.  But when it is fixable, why not spare him the worry.  If people where not so quick to judge or react without thinking, and maybe try to understand that there is a reason why we took the time to ask to go get his lunch box, it would make it so much easier for those with anxiety.

As I have gotten older, I have learned that things are not always what they seem. There is always the other side of the story.  When we deal with people everyday, we only see the front that they want us to see, and some days its harder to put on a front than others.  So when someone you know or not, is quiet or serious, or just not themselves. Instead of judging or saying things behind their back, offer kind words like, hey am here if you need to talk, or just let them be.  And always try to understand that there is a reason why we all act the way we do. (now I get it there are people who are just nasty for no apparent reason, but that does not mean that everyone is like that) The day he forgot his lunch box, I was not trying to be difficult or a nagging mom, I was just trying to put my son at ease.  I feel like I should not have to explain to the world, Look my son has  is anxious, so can he please go get his lunch box so he can be at ease the rest of the evening.  Same goes for those that suffer from other disorders like depression, ADD, ADHD, Bipolar, etc. There is this video on youtube video that really puts what I am trying to say into perspective

Stay at Home Momma

Stay at Home Reality

When I first became a stay at home mom , I was so happy and proud of the decision.  What I didn’t expect was all the backlash and the constant defending of why I decided to do it or the miss conception that all I do is lay around. For some reason people think that all stay at home parents are like those on TV, the Real Housewives of whatever city. REALITY check, it is most definitely not anything like the shows.

It’s a non stop job, even on vacation we are working. Oh and when you get home from vacation, everyone goes back to work or school, and the clean up seems never ending.  When having a stressful day or bad day or sick day, people includong family give you the are you for real look? Well yeah I am for real!!! When I worked everyone in the house would help, from cooking, cleaning dishes, laundry, etc. Now it’s like, well mom will get that mentality, or I get the It’s your duty/job! Talk about slap in the face when you get told that. Or My favorite is you have all day to do that?!?! Well yes that would be true, if you didn’t have to take the kids to and from school, to and from activities, helping at the school, helping at the after school activities, cleaning, making breakfats/lunch/dinner/snacks, groceries, cleaning, laundry, dry cleaning, and then making sure that the kids at home are not on the TV or tablets all day. So you take the little ones to story time, playdate, park, do some preschool so they learn and are ready for school. Not to mention the things that pop up, like kids forgetting things, doctors appointments, vet appointments,  etc.  Yeah it’s pretty much a full day almost everyday, and I wouldn’t change a thing, but defending what I do is very exhausting, what is worse is that the ones I defend it from seems to be the people closest to me. Why? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, I get that, but speak your opinion and move on, don’t throw it my face when mad or angry, or joke about it all the time.

I know I am not alone!! While sitting during swim lesson, or sports, or whatever activity, I hear other moms talking, and the majority of them have the same complaints. Why must we live in such a judgemental world. What ever happened to love and accept one another?



Stay At Home Momma